I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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