According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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