there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
