She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
