cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
