i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
