My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
