Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
