I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
