So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
