I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
