I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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