Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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