oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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