Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
