Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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