Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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