he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So vagazzling was a success
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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