your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
