Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
