OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
