marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
