I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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