You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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