Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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