no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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