when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
PANTIES FOUND
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