I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
