Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
