I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dicks are not precious.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
