Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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