Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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