the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
