I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
