fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
