You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
