I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So much rum. So many feels.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
