FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
