its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
