I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
