he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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