i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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