great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
