my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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