I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
