I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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