Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
