exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
