im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
