I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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