Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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