Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
