If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
