Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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