3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
